The Deep-Rooted Marriage

Title: The Deep-Rooted Marriage

Author: Dan B. Allender, PhD and Steve Call, PhD

Publisher: Thomas Nelson

Genre: Christian Nonfiction, Self-help, Christian Living

Source: Publisher Provided

My Review:

I am always looking for books that will improve me, my family, my life, LOL! So when I saw that The Deep-Rooted Marriage was up for review, I requested a copy. I am very happily married but I feel that there is always room for improvement.

"Many good marriage books offer advice about how to spice up your marriage. This is not one of them. 

...start from a different premise: we are heading to a banquet of delight, as promised in Psalm 23, and along the way, we will walk through some dark valleys."

The authors are clear from the beginning how they are going to go about framing their book, and what the book is and is not. It is not a memoir but it is a self-help book, especially for those who have experienced trauma. I think we can all agree we bring stuff to a marriage.

"Every marriage is a story of two people formed by different worlds joining together to create a universe that has never existed before. Your marriage is unique in all its goodness and in all that needs redemption."

However, I struggled when the authors started talking about trauma. They state: "Perhaps you feel the word trauma doesn't apply to your story, that it relates only to damages more severe than yours. The truth is, however, that you have known harm, whatever the severity. And what is trauma, exactly?

Trauma is any violation of human dignity that comes through emotional, physical, sexual, or spiritual harm."

I don't agree with their definition, nor do they state where they got their definition of trauma from. According to the online dictionary (I know, not the best, but still), trauma is defined as "deeply distressing or disturbing, an emotional shock following a stressful event that is difficult to cope with or out of our control...and trauma is an emotional response to a terrible event like an accident, or emotional abuse, neglect, experiencing or witnessing violence, death of a loved one, war, and more."

While some of these things labeled as trauma could fall under the perimeters the authors have set forth, I feel that their definition is more hurt than trauma, not to say trauma could not have come from those things, but hopefully, you get what I am trying to say. I don't believe that everyone brings trauma to a marriage, but like I previously stated, we do all bring junk to the marriage. Our ideas of what marriage is or isn't based upon our parent's marriage or other marriages we've witnessed, TV shows we've watched, etc.

Regardless, if you or your spouse, or you and your spouse have experienced trauma, this book will be helpful to you. The book describes many couples and the experiences they had and how the authors have helped them. They discuss topics of shame, contempt, emotional neglect, and more.

Thank you to Front Gate Media for the opportunity to read and review this book. I was not required to provide a positive review. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

The Deep-Rooted Marriage Purchase Link: https://bit.ly/TheDeepRootedMarriage

Synopsis (Goodreads):   

What if you could experience a marriage that is not just good, but truly life-giving? Therapists Dan Allender and Steve Call show how deeper intimacy can bring more healing and delight.

Every relationship has its highs and lows, but we often don't know what to do with our "lows," or how we ended up there. What is creating friction, exacerbating our pain, and standing in the way of intimacy?

More often than not, it is the stories of our past drifting into the present. But if we are willing to look at them closely, we will be able to write a new story for the future.

With more than seventy years of therapeutic experience combined, Dan Allender and Steve Call demonstrate how God is inviting you and your partner to a wild faith journey with the hope of transformation. With personal stories, key psychological insights, and practical advice, The Deep-Rooted Marriage will help you:

Address past trauma, giving you greater courage and compassion to engage your present struggles.
Disrupt cycles of conflict based on shame, judgment, and resentment.
Create safety when feeling threatened and offer attunement, empathy, and honor toward differences.
Adopt humility, honesty, kindness, curiosity, defiance against what divides, and intention to bless.
Learn practices that cultivate emotional intimacy, generating new goodness between you and beyond you.

Marriage is not about merely getting along or resolving conflict through compromise. It reveals who you are and invites you to who you can become. Marriage offers a space for you to experience what you are made for—honor and delight. And it is the ground from which redemption is meant to grow, where, together, you can reflect God's image more and experience a taste of heaven.